"This week we planned and gave 3 separate trainings. One was at district meeting, one was at new missionary training (with all of the new missionaries and their trainers) and one was with our whole zone. Some of the things that I learned from all of that planning and stressing is that being in a position when other missionaries are going to listen to you and try to receive personal revelation from the Holy Ghost as you are talking is seriously one of the most pressure-ous things on the planet. But, it's also pretty rewarding. To be able to know that there might have been someone in the room who felt the spirit when we talked and received a confirmation of their testimony is a priceless blessing. We also had 3 separate exchanges. We had exchanges with our STLs and then 2 other sets of sisters. It was like Sister Anderson wasn't even my companion for half of the time and the other half, I was sleeping.
Bite Sized Goals
We learned in general conference from Elder Ballard that our goals and Heavenly Father's goals are aligned, as long as we are trying to follow His will (to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man)...a goal is a motivation. It's something to get us up out of our seat. It gives us an optimistic outlook on the activity that we are about to do for an allotted amount of time. However, if we have no plan on how to reach that ultimate goal, we will never get there. I love this quote from Elder Hartman Rector Jr: "We are permitted, even encouraged, even commanded to assist in bringing to pass the eternal life of man, which is, of course, the continuing part of His great mission. His promise to us of things which I do, ye can do, and greater things than I do, ye can do [see John 14:12], rings loudly in the ears, stimulating the amazement of everyone who reads the holy scriptures." How could we possibly reach our potential when our flesh is weak and we are susceptible to the temptations of Satan? I believe that we don't have to be susceptible to him. It's a choice. God is God and I am Sister Jenne and you are you, but isn't that the beauty of it all? Even though we are all different, we are all connected to each other. We can encourage, inspire, lift, and bless each other. This week didn't turn out (big goal-wise) exactly how Sister Anderson and I had planned. But, we set small, bite-sized goals and we found small ways that we were assisted from Heaven in our work
I love Duvall to death, but sometimes it's hard for me to feel like I know what I am doing sometimes. White-washing takes longer to get going that I had anticipated. However, I am able to receive some revelation, and I know that it will continue to come as long as I am trying hard and have righteous desires to help the people in this area. Sister Anderson definitely needed to be my companion. I am learning so much from her about having deepening relationships with all of the people around me. I am learning to be more vulnerable and just be myself. I think I have a fear of opening up too much to people because then they are more likely to hurt me. It's going to be a slow process, but it's coming. It's really hard to give your whole self to someone when you know that 6 weeks later, you might have to start over completely again. But, then you aren't being authentic. You aren't being yourself. In holding part of yourself back, you are limiting your own growth, as well as the growth of those who surround you. I like the quote that says something like "When you let your own light shine, you are unconsciously giving others permission to do the same." God won't protect us from something that is going to perfect us.
A couple nights ago, I wrote in my journal: "to me, feeling like I am where I needed to be, when Heavenly Father wants me to be there is the definition of success."I wrote this after a hard day, which I hadn't considered very successful. Good thing Heavenly Father knows how to pick us up when we are down. The very next day, we just happened to meet a member that was really needed a spiritual boost. He didn't live in our ward...he didn't even live inside our mission boundaries. But, God sent us there to help him to feel the spirit. All in all, we came out of that conversation with a referral for his good friend that he has been thinking needs the gospel that lives in our area. We weren't at that trailer park to meet a new family that's ready to read the Book of Mormon and get baptized, we were at that trailer park, because we weren't even supposed to make it out of the parking lot! We were supposed to meet him. And, it all came from talking to everyone in our path.
Sometimes we just need to open our eyes and see that life is dang beautiful! God is our loving heavenly father. The gospel is true, and it does work. If you are scared, if you don't know what to do...do all of the things that you've been taught. Read your scriptures, pray and ask your family and friends for help.